How to Get Through Christmas Without Losing Yourself
Christmas can feel like connection and pressure at the same time. Family dynamics, expectations, food, social obligations, and togetherness often stack on top of each other.
Below is a step-by-step plan you can follow before, during, and after Christmas events.
Step 1: Set boundaries before you arrive
You do not need to set every possible boundary.
You only need one clear limit per area so the event has structure.
Time boundary
Decide when you arrive and when you leave. Choose a clear time window before the event. This removes pressure in the moment.
Softer scripts:
“I can pop in from 11 to 2.”
“I’ve got another commitment later, so I’ll head off around 2.”
If pushed once:
“I can’t stay longer than that.”
“That’s the window that works for me.”
If pushed again:
“I’m still leaving at 2.”
You do not need to add new reasons. Repeating the same sentence is enough.
Topic boundary
Decide which topics you will not engage in. Start with redirection. Move to direct if needed.
Soft redirects:
“I don’t really want to get into that today.”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“I’m just here to enjoy the day.”
Clear boundary if it continues:
“I’m not having that conversation today.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
If it keeps going, change rooms, step outside, or go to the bathroom. Silence and movement are also boundaries.
Role boundary
Decide what you will not take responsibility for. These boundaries are often the hardest because they are based on habit, not choice.
Common examples:
Being the peacemaker
Cleaning up because you usually do
Listening to long emotional venting
Managing other people’s reactions
Softer scripts:
“I’m going to sit this one out.”
“I’m taking a break for a bit.”
“I can’t help with that right now.”
Clear scripts if needed:
“I’m not able to take that on.”
“I’m keeping things low-key today.”
You can also set role boundaries through behaviour:
Sit down instead of helping
Step outside
Start getting ready to leave
You do not need a speech. You need an exit.
Step 2: Plan your support before events
Do this before you leave the house. Once you’re already there, it is harder to think clearly.
Pick one check-in person
This is for while you are there.
Choose one person who knows you reasonably well. This might be a friend, family member, or someone you trust.
Send a simple message beforehand:
“I’ve got a family thing today. Can you check in with me around 1:30?”
“If I text you later, can you call me when you’re free?”
You are not asking for advice. You are creating a safety line.
If you don’t have someone you can rely on, support is still available.
In Australia, you can contact Lifeline (13 11 14) for confidential support at any time. Lifeline can be used for moments of overwhelm or when things feel like too much. You do not need to be in crisis to call.
Set a short debrief time
This is for once you have left.
Knowing there is space to talk later makes it easier to leave on time and not push past your limits.
Even 10 minutes helps.
You might say:
“Can I call you for a quick chat when I get home?”
“Can we touch base later tonight?”
This is not about processing everything.
It is about closing the loop so the event does not linger.
Have one everyday grounding option ready
This is about giving your body a small break using normal behaviour. Choose one thing that already fits how you move through the world.
Movement-based
Standing up and stretching
Walking to the bathroom or outside
Offering to take something to the bin
Helping briefly, then stopping
Going to the car “to grab something”
These work because movement discharges tension without explanation.
Sensory-based
Holding a warm mug or cold drink
Running water over your hands
Changing rooms to a quieter space
Sitting down instead of staying busy
Adjusting your clothing to be more comfortable
No one questions these actions. That’s the point.
Attention-based
Watching the TV instead of conversations
Focusing on eating slowly
Looking at photos or decorations
Sitting near pets or children
Doing a small task that requires focus
This narrows attention and reduces overload.
Step 3: For Food and binge cycles, use a stabilising rule
Holiday food pressure often pushes people into extremes, either trying to control everything, or giving up entirely.
Both make things harder. Instead of aiming for control, aim for stability.
Eat earlier than you think you need to
Do not arrive hungry.
When your body is under-fuelled, it looks for fast relief. That’s when eating feels urgent and hard to stop.
Before the event:
Eat a proper meal or solid snack
Include protein or something filling
Do not “save calories” for later
Eat a normal plate at the event
Decide this before you serve yourself.
A normal plate means:
Enough to feel satisfied
Not a “perfect” plate
Not a restricted one
Trying to eat “just a little” often backfires.
Normal and steady protects you best.
Do not compensate afterwards
This is where the cycle usually locks in.
Compensating looks like:
Skipping meals the next day
Eating less to “make up for it”
Promising to be stricter tomorrow
That response teaches your body to swing harder next time.
Hold your routine steady instead.
One event does not require correction.
Step 4: Manage expectations with one internal sentence
Christmas carries unspoken rules. You are expected to enjoy it, participate fully, and cope quietly. Those expectations create pressure before anything even happens. Instead of arguing with them, replace them.
Choose one sentence before the event
Pick one sentence that reflects what you actually need.
Examples:
“This is a few hours. I do not need to make it perfect.”
“I’m here to participate, not to perform.”
“I can leave and still care.”
Write it down if that helps.
Use the sentence when pressure rises
When you notice:
Irritation
Guilt
The urge to push past your limits
Repeat the sentence to yourself.
This is not positive thinking.
It is orientation. You are reminding yourself why you are here and what matters most.
Let the sentence guide your next move
Ask one question:
“What would this sentence have me do next?”
That might mean:
Sitting down
Changing rooms
Leaving earlier than planned
This keeps decisions aligned with your values, not the moment.
A Final Note
If, for any reason, you weren’t able to stick to your plan, that’s okay. Plans don’t fail because you didn’t try hard enough.
They fail because situations are complex, emotions run high, and patterns run deep.
What matters most is what happens after, not what happened on the day. We’re here when things settle.
Our virtual doors open on January 5th, 2026, and support will be available then. If you’d like help unpacking what came up, rebuilding structure, or planning the year ahead, you’re welcome to reach out.
If you’d like more support in the new year, you can book your initial assessment now so we can start the year with clarity, steadiness, and a plan that actually fits your life.
There is no rush.
There is no judgement.
There is support when you’re ready.
